A Beautiful Birthday Gift

A month after the operation. Still smiling :)

Six months of enduring some excruciating pain, one unforgettable day of operation, after 6 weeks of physically challenging recuperation and after many mental, physical and emotional fight backs later, I finally managed to take my first few steps towards complete recovery today, a day before my birthday. It was like I was learning to walk all over again, one baby step after another. It was one of the most emotional moments of my life.

My knee muscles had become weaker because I hadn’t walked for close to six weeks, hence when I tried to walk I felt like I might fall over any moment. I was still very much imbalanced but managed to make myself steady to take my very first steps after the operation. I was overcome with emotions. Finally I felt no pain while walking; I was almost used to the pain while I walked, so much so it felt weird that I didn’t feel the pain while walking. Although it might take another two to three weeks more before I can make a complete recovery but today was one of the most emotional and happiest days of my life.

It might be a happy co-incidence that I took my first steps towards recovery a day before my birthday on April 12th exactly two years ago when I was diagnosed with ITP as well. My platelet count had miraculously increased to normal levels a day before my birthday. Although my platelet count plummeted 10 days later to below normal levels again. My platelets gradually increased after that and I made a complete recovery by the end of May, 2010.

My status message on April 12th 2010, a day before my birthday 

I don’t know what else to say because I feel too emotional to put my thoughts into words today. My mother has always been a pillar of strength for me and I could never have fought these battles on my own without her undying support and blessings. She is my inspiration. I love you Maa. You are the greatest mother in the whole wide world. And my dear bro as well for his love and support, I don’t know what I’ll do without him by my side.

I want to thank all my closest friends for their never ending support when I really need them. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends in my life. My few close relatives and cousins whom I truly love and trust, you know who you are, thank you for being there for me when I needed it.

And also a special thank you to my dear blog friends. Your amazing comments made me so much stronger, I can’t be thankful enough.

And with that, The Eternal Fighter makes another determined comeback, albeit not spectacular or dramatic like many previous occasions but it was definitely a hard fought comeback.

Don’t Tell Me What I Can’t Do

We all go through lots of success or failures in our life, be it personal or professional life. How do we accept those success or failures? Will you accept both in the same way or will you let the success go to your head and failure to your heart? We might accept success in the right spirits as we should but the same may not be said when we have gone through some gut-wrenching failures.

I have always tried to take both success and failures in my stride. Although I have experienced failures a lot more than success in my life but I have learnt to enjoy both in the same spirits. Its not that I do not succeed always but I have learnt to deal with failures a lot better. I never get bogged down by my failures nor let the success get to my head.

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

But what if you are going through a lot of adversities, devastation after devastation and one gut-wrenching failure after another? None of these adversities are self-inflicted but you are being severely tested, you are made to fight for every breath you take. How would you handle such situations? Will you just accept it as your fate and live with it or would you do anything to change it? Do you have the courage and the strength to stand up and fight for it?

I am constantly asking such questions to myself more so in the recent past but the answers I am giving myself aren’t very encouraging. I am still fighting for every breath I take; I still keep telling myself there is absolutely nothing in the world I cannot achieve but there is also fear, not the fear of failing but the fear of not trying, hard enough. I feel like I am still holding back for some reason, also due to my present circumstances I feel like I am forced to hold back. And that is not the right place to be in for me at this moment. Every breath I am taking now is a constant battle to break those shackles.

At the same time I ask myself whether my constant health issues have done more damage than I credit them for. I always keep telling myself that nothing can break me but the core of my entire self may already be irreversibly damaged. But I won’t let those demons in my head get the better of me, no not this time, not anytime.

Nick Vujicic - No Arms, No Legs, No Problems
Image Courtesy: Google Images

As the cliché goes, I will rise from the ashes like a phoenix and there is absolutely nothing in the world that can stop me. I have gone though many adversities in the past and I have fought back valiantly every time. I might have lost many times but I have never lost hope.

I will not lose hope now; I will fight back, as always. I will regain my faith and I will come out of this phase a stronger, tougher and a much more determined person. I will come out of this phase a winner.

If anyone feels otherwise, I just have one thing to tell them:

DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO.

No matter how many times you fail, you just need to keep trying. It matters how you are going to finish, are you going to finish strong?

The Day of the Operation

On the 4th of March, 2012, I was admitted to a hospital to receive treatment for the pain I was enduring in my left hip bone for the past few months. An MRI scan confirmed that I was suffering from a condition called Bilateral Avascular Necrosis (Bilateral AVN), meaning both my hip bones have been affected by this condition (I never felt the pain in my right hip bone, but the MRI scan showed that my right hip is also affected and is in its earliest of early stages of the condition). So, an operation called Core Decompression was performed on both my hips on the 5th of March, and I have been confined to a wheelchair ever since. I am not supposed to walk for the next 4 to 5 weeks at least.

I had written a series of logs documenting the “Day of the Operation” while I was in the hospital and had saved them as Notes on my phone. I would like to present them to my readers. Initially, I wanted to keep them only to myself, but later on, I changed my mind. I haven’t paraphrased or modified the sentence structure too much. To provide more clarity, I have inserted parenthetical statements. So, the below few paragraphs will showcase my exact state of mind on the day of my operation.

Log 1:

I have been on empty stomach since last night. I was a little agitated thinking about today but somehow managed to have some good night’s sleep. My operation was scheduled to take place at 10 AM, but as per my prior experience with Manipal Hospital, I can safely say I am in for a long day. (I was also made to wait a long time when I was admitted here for my ITP issue two years ago; a procedure called Bone Marrow was supposed to be done by 10 in the morning but it didn’t happen until 01:30 PM).

My visits to the loo became a bit frequent in the meanwhile, and I kept asking myself, “Will this be the last time I answer my nature’s call on my own for the next few weeks?” I tried not to let thoughts like these bother me, but it was becoming difficult as the wait was excruciating.

As I was on empty stomach since last night, my mother also refused to eat anything, which upset me a lot as I didn’t want my mom to suffer because of me. However, I eventually convinced her to eat something, which gave me a lot of relief. 

It's quarter past twelve, and I still haven’t got the call to go to the Operation Theatre. I was informed that the OT is full and several patients are still in waiting, so I was made to wait even longer. I was getting restless by the minute but held myself together. I had no fear but just wanted to get it over with.

Log 2:

The notes below were documented after I returned from the operating room.

Finally, at 3 PM, I got the call to go to the Operation Theatre. I felt a bit odd as I was moved to the OT on a stretcher. I experienced a spine-tingling moment when I reached the area where the operating rooms are located. Not surprisingly, I was made to wait again as there was some cleaning up process going on after an operation. I was dumped just outside the OT in a restricted room.

I just laid there watching a few doctors and helpers walking back and forth by me. The wait seemed endless, and my restlessness grew even more. In the meantime, a doctor, who was at the end of her shift, spoke to me. She asked me when did I eat last, I answered “Last night.” She felt bad and she said, “Oh, this is why we don't like to make the patients wait, but the OT is very busy today.” I just nodded. Before leaving, she just waved at me and said “Good luck,” and I replied with a “Thank you” and a smile.

Operation Theatre (Representational Image)

Finally, I was taken into the Operation Theatre. I glanced at the clock, and it was 05:05 PM. I said to myself, “Freak, that was the longest two hours of my life.”

I was given the anaesthesia, and I was asked to breathe heavily into an oxygen mask. Before I went under, I received a caring pat on the back by Dr Varma, my orthopaedic surgeon. And, that’s the last thing I remember.

When I woke up, I remember shivering profusely. It took me three whole seconds to realise the operation was actually over. The first thing I read were the words “Post Ortho Operation Theatre” on the board right in front of me. I was still shivering, but I was in my senses, so much so that I asked the lady who was there in the Post OT room, “Was it really that cold in the OT?” barely managing to say those words in a single breath. She smiled and said, “Yes,” indicating that I need to rest now. A heating instrument was placed right above me to increase my body temperature. I overheard the lady talking to someone on the phone that my operation went on for an hour from 05:30 to 06:30 PM. I asked her what time it was, and she said, “Ten past seven.” So, I was unconscious for over two hours, and I was kept in the Post OT room for another two hours. Later that night, I was taken to the X-Ray room to get the X-Ray of my hips after the operation.

I was to be shifted to another stretcher to carry me to the X-Ray room, which was on one of the basement floors. A couple of nurses and helpers came along. A junior doctor asked me if I can move to the stretcher on my own, and I immediately nodded in approval. When I tried to move my legs, I couldn’t move them an inch. Both my hips were heavily plastered, and the pressure was so immense, I couldn’t even move them. I could feel my legs but didn’t have enough strength to get them across to the other stretcher. I told them, “I can’t move my legs.” When I uttered those words, it was probably one of the most significant moments of my life. I couldn’t believe I said that. So, a couple of nurses held my legs and placed them onto the stretcher. A male nurse tried to hold my shoulders to help me move to the stretcher, but I refused. I said, “I can do it on my own.” My ego was already bruised, so I wouldn’t let that happen again. I garnered all my upper body strength and managed to move onto the stretcher on my own. It was a triumphant moment. Considering the fact that I hadn’t eaten or drank anything for 24 hours now, I still had some strength left in me.

I was carried to the X-Ray room by a cute nurse and another female helper. I felt nauseous along the way because of the anaesthesia but tried to hold it in. We were in the middle of nowhere, so the nurse couldn’t find anything like a bowl or a cover for my vomiting sensation. Along the way, I felt somewhat okay and was taken straight to the X-Ray room. There was again another struggle here to get me across to the X-Ray table and then back onto the stretcher. After the X-Ray was done, I was going to be taken back to my room on the ninth floor. While coming back, I finally saw my mom and my brother with a concerned look on their faces. I just looked at my bro and gave him a thumbs-up, as if to say I was doing great. Before we could enter my room, I vomited on the floor. It was an embarrassing moment but was unavoidable. I was placed on my bed a few minutes later, and yet again, I insisted on moving over to my bed on my own. But, I needed some assistance again. And, so it was finally done!

But the real battle starts now!

My Idol Rahul Dravid Retires - A Nostalgic Tribute

"I leave with sadness but also with pride"
Image Source: Rediff.Com

This will be extremely difficult for me to write, my mind is completely blank and I absolutely have no idea what to say. I feel numb and emotionless. I didn’t even cry when I heard him say those words, I didn’t believe it then and many hours later I still can't believe it. I am still in denial. It still hasn’t hit me yet; maybe I need a lot more time to finally accept the fact that I will no longer be seeing my Idol and my Inspiration from the past 16 years on a cricket pitch wearing the white jersey to represent India again. Yes, my Idol Rahul Dravid announced his retirement from International Cricket today.

I feel devastated. Even though I was expecting it for sometime now, knowing Dravid for all these years I knew he wouldn’t just hang up his boots after just one bad series. I knew he will take his time and contemplate on his future and he will go out on his own terms before someone else asks him to. And he did just that.

I don’t feel any emotion right now as I type this. I don’t know whether I am sad or confused, I just feel weird. My emotions have clouded me once again. Rahul Dravid does that to me all the time. But I shall try to recover and try to put some meaningful words to my thoughts on a precious day like today, instead of rambling something meaningless.

My first image of Dravid was in 1996 when I saw a photo of him in a newspaper. This was the day he made his Test debut against England and went on to score a memorable 95 in his debut Test. It was heartbreaking he didn’t get his 100 on debut but those 95 runs were enough for me to become a fan of Dravid. And I have idolized him ever since. I still remember the exact moment when Dravid scored his maiden Test and ODI centuries against South Africa and Pakistan respectively. 

I became nostalgic for a while remembering all the numerous fights I used to have in school with anyone who used to say a word against Dravid. In 1998, Dravid was dropped from the ODI team citing he was not suited to play the shorter format of the game. He was ridiculed and made fun of for his supposedly slow batting. He still had a strike rate in the higher 60’s at that time which was not that bad, so I had no idea what those fools were talking about. Most part of my High School life consisted of defending Dravid and his prowess in any format of the game. Sometimes those healthy discussions about whether Dravid should be a part of the ODI side or not used to turn violent and we almost used to end up giving physical blows to each other and most of whom were my closest friends back then. Our class consisted of 53 students in my 8th Standard and I was the only true blue Dravid fanatic. All the 52 others were Sachin fanatics of course. That year Sachin was having the best year of his career and Dravid was made to sit out of most ODI’s and played only Tests. I was clearly outnumbered but still fought hard quite literally to defend my Idol. 

The following year, Dravid made a stunning return to the ODI’s by scoring a century against New Zealand to earn back the place in the Indian ODI side and also went on to become the highest scorer in the 1999 World Cup, shutting each and every critics’ mouth over his prowess in the 50-Over format. And in my class, no one even dared to say a word against Dravid after that. All my friends even started calling me Rahul Dravid, the name kind of became a code word to call me out of an examination hall, in particular. I still remember back in 1999, my friends shouting from outside the exam hall in frustration, “Hey, Rahul Dravid come out man, how much longer are you gonna write?.” I also believed in the notion - “slow and steady wins the race”. Just like my Idol.

Rahul, ever the team man always sacrificed his personal gains for his team. He kept wickets for 4 years so that we could include an extra batsman in the side. Just because he kept wickets and also played the role of a No.6 Batsman, it gave numerous chances to up and coming young Cricketers like Yuvraj Singh and Mohammad Kaif to cement their place in the Indian team. Also this move of Dravid keeping wickets was instrumental in India reaching the finals of the World Cup in 2003.

When he was called to open the batting in some extremely tough batting conditions, Dravid has always put his hand up for the team and withered the storm. He has batted in each and every position conceivable. I was really upset when he was demoted down the order in that historic Kolkata Test in 2001 where Laxman was the No.3 batsman. Dravid came in at No.6 and joined Laxman with India following on and staring at a huge innings defeat. Well, I guess I need not mention what happened later as that glorious partnership between Dravid and Laxman has been and will always be etched in every Indian’s minds and hearts forever.

In 2002, another outstanding innings came from Dravid in the Headingley Test against England. Dravid’s stunning 148 on a seamer’s deck was the benchmark for everything that followed, not just the result of that particular match, but also the fortunes of the Indian team’s performance overseas for many years that followed. It was also the first time the three stalwarts of the Indian team, Sachin Tendulkar, Sourav Ganguly and Rahul Dravid scored centuries in a single innings. Maybe Dravid’s century was overshadowed by the centuries of the other two greats but if it wasn’t for Rahul's magnificent defiance in the initial stages of the innings on a bowler friendly track, it would have been almost impossible for the famed Indian middle order to showcase their mastery. Dravid was the reason we were able to win that match by an innings. He was aptly named the Man of the Match, deservedly so.

The man who never stopped trying
Image Source: Rediff.Com.

I remember Dravid shedding a tear or two when he was speaking to Harsha Bhogle after another historic victory against Australia in Adelaide in 2003 where Dravid was once again in a stunning 300+ run partnership with Laxman. This victory gave India their first Test win on Australian soil in 23 years. That was the very first time I saw my Idol showcase any emotion on or off a cricket pitch, at least in front of the camera. It was a really precious moment which I can never forget, his voice choking a bit while expressing what that victory really meant to him and the team.

I will also cherish all the arguments and discussions I used to have in many Cricket forums on Orkut and elsewhere. I know Sachin’s fans were still miffed about Dravid declaring that innings in Multan in 2004 when Sachin was batting on 194. Dravid was very clear as a captain that team’s victory is more important than a player's personal milestones, even if that player was Sachin Tendulkar. I have argued with many Sachin fanatics defending Dravid’s decision of declaring that innings although most of those arguments turned futile.

Dravid again proved why he is the team man when he scored his career high score of 270 in Rawalpindi against Pakistan in 2004. More importantly, I remember the way he got out. India had already got enough runs on the board to declare the innings and bowl Pakistan out, twice. But Rahul Dravid, a self-less team man, realized his team needed some more quick runs, so he went after the Pakistani bowling attack and got bowled while attempting to play a reverse-sweep when he was on 270. He had a great chance of scoring a Triple Hundred which may have been once in a lifetime opportunity but Dravid, never played for personal milestones. His mammoth effort gave India their first ever Test series win in Pakistan.

Critics say his Captaincy was a failure, maybe the statistics show that his captaincy stint from November 2005 until September 2007 was average. But in this very period we held the World Record of chasing to win most number of matches consecutively in ODI’s. A Test series win in West Indies and England and a Test match win in South Africa. 

Dravid was absolutely outstanding in the fourth and final Test in Jamaica against the West Indies in 2006. He scored 81 and 68 in the match on a really difficult pitch where no other Indian batsman even came close to scoring a half century. His dogged determination was instrumental in India winning that test match and with that, the series. A rare series win outside the sub-continent, first in 35 years against a major opposition. These wins kind of removed the tag Indians carried for a long time, ‘Poor Travelers’. 

The World Cup in 2007 was extra special for me because my Idol was in-fact the Captain. I wanted him to have the tag of a World Cup winner, that too as a Captain before he decided to hang up his boots, but those dreams came crashing down as India was shockingly knocked out in the group stage itself. The memories still haunt me.

In 2008, when he was going through probably the most terrible phase in his Test career, I prayed each and every day hoping Rahul will be back on track soon and would definitely recover from this slump. Many skeptics were already gunning for this throat and asking for him to retire. But Dravid fought back that lean phase and made a stunning return to form. He remained consistent for the next four years until his retirement, today. Only blemish would be the South African tour of 2010-11 and the tour of Australia in 2011-12 where he performed way below his potential averaging less than 30. He even made a brief appearance in ODI’s in 2009 and 2011, finally announcing his retirement from the shorter formats of the game last year.

The year 2011 will be remembered for Dravid’s remarkable return to form where he scored centuries against England and West Indies, five in all. Also went past 1,000 runs in a calendar year for the third time in his Test Career. Dravid scored three unforgettable centuries in England, two of them while opening the batting and facing some stunning and ruthless English bowling attack. Dravid was the only batsman to score a century for India in that series, aggregating 461 runs while no other Indian batsman went past 250 runs. I can never forget Dravid opening the innings in the Final Test at The Oval, he fought like a warrior as his team mates succumbed to the pressure again. Dravid kept on fighting and carried his bat all the way through. He became only the 7th Batsman in history to carry his bat through the innings and walk back in just after a few minutes to a follow-on. Just thinking about this moment, gives me goose bumps.

Thank you, Rahul Dravid for being what you are, a thorough Gentleman, a Role Model, an Icon and most importantly, a great human being. I will miss your batting, your amazing catches in the slips, the way you dab the ball gently and run to the non-striker’s end for a quick single with your bat being held only by your right hand and not both hands. I will miss seeing you running behind the ball to stop a boundary; I will miss the look of determination in your eyes while you are chasing that ball. The way you examine the pitch before the start of a match, I love your love for such details. Your shy yet candid press interviews which shows your intellectual ability. The way you mention “obviously” before or in the middle of almost every sentence to clear your thought process. I will miss those days when I used to go to school in the morning on a match day, you had already walked into bat, I come back from school and you are still batting; which used to make my day. I will miss when someone tells me, the score is 28 for no loss and I gasp and say, “Ahhh, wish it was 28 for one”, so that I can watch you bat. Nothing in the world gives me more happiness and satisfaction than watching you bat which I will miss the most. I can sit and watch you bat all day long, I can watch you build an innings, one ball at a time, brick by brick in a pain-staking manner in the only way you can, which would give me immense pleasure and happiness.

I will miss you Dravid, Thanks for all the wonderful memories. I will cherish them for a lifetime. You did leave the game better than you found it.

Your Greatest Fan,
Akshay Kumar G